how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Randomize
