is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
