p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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