I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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