I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
