yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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