I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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