He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
