he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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