my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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