but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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