i think my tv is drunk
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
