dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
