The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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