so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
