You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Houston, we have a squirter
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
