if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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