I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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