You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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