i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
