Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Randomize
