A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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