I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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