my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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