Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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