just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
