Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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