dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
