I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
