I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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