Fuck appropriateness.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
