i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
