doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
