we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
