It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
