I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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