Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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