omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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