She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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