There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
