dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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