I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I hope mine doesn't look like that
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
