I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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