Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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