I'll bet she douches with gravy.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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