when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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