i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
