I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
