wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
