He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
