whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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