I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
