That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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